Yesterday was Monday. Yesterday was a fucking horrible day. not a nice word, I know. but it was. It shouldn’t have been – it started so well with a meditation and action. I 5,4,3,2,1’d myself out of bed to do the morning rituals I aspire to do. but then I remembered that I had to take my daughter to school. and as I remembered that I remembered the quiz night the Friday night before. It was an innocent quiz night to raise funds for my daughter’s school. a little Montessori preschool. Why would the memory of that make me cringe and squirm – no one’s general knowledge can be that bad right? We’re not talking a Mensa quiz night.
it all started when my ex-arrived to join myself and my mother to represent our family at the quiz night. when I say arrived I mean kicking and screaming really. id begged him to come with me. It’s pretty crap doing everything alone within a school environment. let me say now if it wasn’t clear – he didn’t want to come. he called when he was on his way to say I d better have a whiskey and a coffee ready for him when he got there. I jumped to it- old habits die hard. Of course, my instinct said that’s a worrying beginning but my mind said ‘you don’t want to go alone, you don’t want to go alone” needless to say one whiskey turned into him polishing off half a bottle of my finest whiskey before we even left the house. He’s a huge man with a huge personality and very dominating presence – something that can be very attractive when he’s in a good place and terrifying when he’s not. tonight he was not.
By the time we arrived at quiz night he had laid into my mother, insulted me, dredged up the past and reminded us how he was a hapless victim with me as the evil villainess. sounds dramatic and ridiculous. sounds like I’m making it up? YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS SHIT UP. By now I’m wishing he wasn’t here, hoping he won’t make a scene and behave badly and inappropriately. So what ensued was pretty much in exact contradiction to my wishes. He proceeded to drink a large amount of red wine (always a super combination with whiskey) get loud and belligerent, insult two of the teacher’s assistants, shout, fight with a father at the end of the table, threaten to take it outside to the car park, throw something across the table at him and tell a complete stranger in the parking lot that I had stolen his sperm. Yip – that was quiz night! So, now you understand why come Monday morning the simple act of taking my daughter to school was the ultimate walk of shame.
As the horror unfolded on that Friday night and I kept trying to appease and placate him I wondered why I had been so determined that he come, why I was doing the same thing I had done our whole relationship which was to try and keep the peace and pacify the monster when he showed up. I wondered why I didn’t grab my mother, walk out of the quiz night and leave him in our dust. I suspect as amusing as this story is on some levels that that question is a very important one for me to answer for myself and may unlock the door to a new and brighter future where I chose a different kind of man.