It occurred to me this Friday evening, sitting between a 40 something leggy blonde and 6 year old leggy blonde – one a friend, the other my daughter, that i had completely and utterly lost fun.

Fun had got up and left the room, the building and maybe even my hemisphere!!

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perhaps it was because on the one hand i was trying to devour the explicit details of a 40 somethings sexual renaissance on my right while simultaneously attempting to avoid my daughter’s impending vomit on my left. As I reluctantly dragged myself from the table to Beat a hasty retreat to the bathroom, wearing an expression of concern and mild exasperation (and comfortable leggings) –  I realized that i had TOTALLY lost my sense of fun. Life had become so serious. It was all single parenting, bills, vat repayments, overdrafts, bond repayments and school responsibilities, too many taken on responsibilities and FUCK ALL FUN.

Sweet Fuck all! I used to be a fun *chick . Ask anyone from 20 years ago – of course most of them have emigrated (but thats another blog). I used to always be up for a party, the first one dancing on the bar counter. When did i become such a grown up? And was the weight of my self perceived responsibilities weighing too heavily on my shoulders? My scale would certainly concur. Maybe it was the juicy details of an Eat Pray Love – meets Shirley Valentine meets Tantric Travels that got me really thinking this past weekend. My deduction – I Gotta Lighten Up Yo! I gotta get me some fun!

So come Sunday after a particularly trying morning of tantrums and whining i thought Fuck it – Fun – okay! and had 2 glasses of white wine at lunch. Admittedly they were hefty; and then because the universe apparently does this to me, I felt like shit immediately and another realisation was thrust upon me…. i had to rediscover what fun is for me NOW.

For all my adult life, Fun has been synonymous with parties, smoking and drinking and late night recreation. Many years ago I dropped the smoking bit because the guilt at what i knew it was doing to my body was simply overwhelming. Now it was time to extend that into an entire overhaul of what fun entailed.

And this brings me to the present tense….It’s time to rediscover what fun actually looks like if its not on its bum at a long table drinking wine and taking shit (which is certainly  allowed to be some of the time just not all of the time) Is fun, laughter, enjoyment with friends, family and new folks possible without a social lubricant? And is it possible to have it in other venues as well while enjoying other aspects of the human experience? How about long scenic walks in nature, Visiting art galleries, second hand furniture stores, libraries, book stores, doing a make your own perfume course, picnics, dog walks, biking, museum hopping, swimming, yoga-ring and of course Love making. In all the parenting, entrepreneuring and income generating,  sex went right out the window!! Oh My Good Goddess did it ever!!!! there is no longer any sexy in heysexymamma!! That just doesn’t work for me!

My quest is to lighten up, figuratively (thats a clever play also on my figure – ha ha!!) and literally… Stop taking it all so gawd damn seriously. live a little, explore a little, play a little, find what lights me up and turns me on. And while that seems frivolous and unimportant, a dear friend’s death this past week has also reminded me that it can all disappear in an instant with no warning and no Take Two. Its now or never.

I’m gonna get me some fun!!


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DISCLAIMER: “chick” is just a word from my youth and in no means meant to demean me as a woman or the rest of womankind in any way! (just saying)

ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: My spelling and grammar suck. I’m sorry about that but fuck it!

LAST DISCLAIMER: Sorry about the swearing – If I’m talking about tantric sex and such the odd swear word seems immaterial.

Happy New Same old same old

The start of the new year has been sketchy for me this year – and i think is most years. So much emphasis is placed on a new beginining and the idea that the clock resets at midnight on the 1st January each year that the possibility of it not living up to its promise is almost a foregone conclusion.

Hopefully we spend time before the dawn of the new year thinking through what we accomplished the past year, where we fell short and what we want for the year ahead but the insistence on a whole new feeling on the 1st is a receipe for despondance. well it is for me anyway. Often I begin the year feeling tired. I’ve worked till the last second before Christmas then been slammed with Christmas arrangements and family duties and obligations without having the time to get into the spirit of Christmas because there has not been sufficient time to prepare my mind for it. We race through Christmas only to be faced with New year and the expectation that it will be a huge party or super special in some way. I’ve taken to avoiding New Years altogether since my daughter was born, since the advent of feeling under the weather with a young child is more torturous than most anything else i can imagine – well except someone pulling out my toenails one by one – that would be worse, oh and waterboarding. Okay there are a lot of things worse but you get my meaning?

It’s days later now and the new year has kicked in, in earnest and I am happy to say that the slightly desperate feeling has gone. I’ve rediscovered my “why” and I feel a new sense of purpose for the new year. I guess the point is that perhaps you have to get through those not 100% upliftling feelings as preparation for a new beginning.

I hope that if the new year has started off a little rickety for you, you now find yourself on more solid ground, strong and ready to manifest your dreams!!


Happy 2018 Y’all!!!


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When good parents go rogue – Horror at Quiz Night

Yesterday was Monday. Yesterday was a fucking horrible day. not a nice word, I know. but it was. It shouldn’t have been – it started so well with a meditation and action. I 5,4,3,2,1’d myself out of bed to do the morning rituals I aspire to do. but then I remembered that I had to take my daughter to school. and as I remembered that I remembered the quiz night the Friday night before. It was an innocent quiz night to raise funds for my daughter’s school. a little Montessori preschool. Why would the memory of that make me cringe and squirm – no one’s general knowledge can be that bad right? We’re not talking a Mensa quiz night.

it all started when my ex-arrived to join myself and my mother to represent our family at the quiz night. when I say arrived I mean kicking and screaming really. id begged him to come with me. It’s pretty crap doing everything alone within a school environment. let me say now if it wasn’t clear – he didn’t want to come. he called when he was on his way to say I d better have a whiskey and a coffee ready for him when he got there. I jumped to it- old habits die hard. Of course, my instinct said that’s a worrying beginning but my mind said ‘you don’t want to go alone, you don’t want to go alone”  needless to say one whiskey turned into him polishing off half a bottle of my finest whiskey before we even left the house.  He’s a huge man with a huge personality and very dominating presence – something that can be very attractive when he’s in a good place and terrifying when he’s not. tonight he was not.

By the time we arrived at quiz night he had laid into my mother, insulted me, dredged up the past and reminded us how he was a hapless victim with me as the evil villainess. sounds dramatic and ridiculous. sounds like I’m making it up? YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS SHIT UP. By now I’m wishing he wasn’t here, hoping he won’t make a scene and behave badly and inappropriately. So what ensued was pretty much in exact contradiction to my wishes. He proceeded to drink a large amount of red wine (always a super combination with whiskey) get loud and belligerent, insult two of the teacher’s assistants, shout, fight with a father at the end of the table, threaten to take it outside to the car park, throw something across the table at him and tell a complete stranger in the parking lot that I had stolen his sperm.  Yip – that was quiz night! So, now you understand why come Monday morning the simple act of taking my daughter to school was the ultimate walk of shame.

As the horror unfolded on that Friday night and I kept trying to appease and placate him I wondered why I had been so determined that he come, why I was doing the same thing I had done our whole relationship which was to try and keep the peace and pacify the monster when he showed up. I wondered why I didn’t grab my mother, walk out of the quiz night and leave him in our dust. I suspect as amusing as this story is on some levels that that question is a very important one for me to answer for myself and may unlock the door to a new and brighter future where I chose a different kind of man.


7 Steps to living the Life of Your Dreams

Last weekend I stood beside my very close friend and together we said goodbye to her mama. She was no ordinary woman – She was a lady and a Sexy Mama.

Sitting at the memorial listening to her family talk about her I remembered some of the extrardinary things that she had demonstrated in her life and how important those lessons are for anyone wanting to live a good life.

Abundance mentality – In this home there was always more than enough to go around. Enough food, love, warmth, attention. If you arrived unexpectedly a plan would always be made without you feeling unwelcome. Frugality was checked at the door. She lived from a belief that life is abundant, that the universe provides and it worked for her!

Strong family bond – this sexymama was such a matriarch that her family all lived within walking distance of her. The family bond is so important in times of hardship, heartache, happiness, celebration,when you have been thrown a curve ball in life and when life couldnt be better. If you have family you have everything you need. So many times when i went there you’d find 4 generations all lying together on mama’s bed watching TV or chatting and laughing together. This sexy mama was a lioness when it came to protecting her family. She knew the importance of family and she embraced it.

 Moral Compass – This sexy mama didn’t take any crap. She was loving, and warm, but she was also pretty friken scary if you crossed her.  Her moral compass was set to true north and there was no bullshit. Her boundaries we firmly in place. She knew what her standards were, what she believed and what she would accept – if it fell outside of that it had no place in her home.

Passion  – SM was all about passion. Passion for her garden, her cooking, her beloved Italian opera, her kids, her grandkids, her extremely successful business. everything she did she poured her passion into.

Hard Work – SM worked hard. There was no 2 ways about it. She ran a very successful guesthouse, an office of a leading estate agency and was the top seller within her province for many years running – but it never looked like a hardship or a slog or someting she resented, she ran them all with grace, with passion and with immense joy which leads us to the very important next point…

Gratitude – SM worked, played, loved, laughed, cried, mourned, celebrated all with immense gratitude. She had an inate understanding that Gratitude is the combination lock that opens the door to your best life.

and last but not least

A Big Heart – helping the less fortunate – For this Sexymama helping the less fortunate was really important and so she was involved in soup kitchens, helped out people within her community that needed a helping hand and was a real champion for the underdog. Some of the loudest sobs at the service were from the ladies that had faithfully worked for SM most of their adult lives.Screen Shot 2017-07-17 at 3.28.01 PM

And thats all it takes to live the life of your dreams. As soon as one of these steps or principles is ignored or sidelined your life will start going to the dogs. You dont have to be wealthy to apply these principles, you dont even need to have family in the traditional sense – you can create a family by creating strong bonds in your tribe. When you break it down its not that hard – it just needs to be practised everyday.

So thats what I learned from this Sexy Mama. I can only hope when it comes time for people to speak about me that they can honestly say some of these things too.




Online Dating 101 – the unauthorised, unrequested rules from a Rookie.

Right, so I’ve really committed to this whole online dating thing. Just for fun really. Just to get out and hopefully, have an interesting conversation. I never would have thought. Only took me 3 years to warm to the idea but there it is.  Theres a lot of odd stuff out there and let me just immediately confess that I’ve only had 5 dates. Nevertheless despite my complete rookidom I have some completely unrequested tips for guys wanting to get some attention.

  1. if there’s no photo you are immediately a wierdo stalker and serial killer. so don’t bother posting without one.
  2. I know cycling has become some sort of wierd worldwide epidemic but please dudes do you have to post photos wth cycling helmets and lycra shorts on? FYI its just not a good look. i promise. yes. really.
  3. If you keep insisting on collecting me from my home on the first date the only people you are going to meet there will be the Popo because I’m going to have to assume you’re up to no good.
  4. Do not post a profile picture posing naked to the waist and in your bed under any circumstances. Not any. Unless you have posted while in the throws of a devastating fever and are delirious we will have to assume that you are a sexual deviant. And you probably are.
  5. I thought this one would be for a girls only but apparently not. Dont post pictures from 10 years ago. even if you think you look exactly the same. You do not. I promise.
  6. It is not okay to make lude suggestive comments before we have even met. For example: Woman: “How will we recognise each other?” Man: ” By your thong.”      We are not Ho’s yo! Let me just add its not appropriate after we’ve met either. Can you at least let us feel you actually like our company and that its not all about punani for a little while? At least until you can gauge how frieky we might be and sometime gentlemen we’ll surprise you…..but sometimes we will not so dont push it bro!
  7. This should not even need to be pointed out – but it sadly does, so! Do not – under any circumstances – not any at all – make fun of the person when you meet them. if you think it is funny and that you are the ultimate joker and such a fun guy because you poke fun at other people about something physical – or what they are wearing or any other thing –  then you are a dickhead and you will die alone. Get a friekin life and a therapist because you’ve got some issues pal.
  8. Dont try and get me drunk because you think i’m going to put out if you do. its ridiculous and probably illegal.  What you’ll get instead is someone who can’t speak coherantly, who starts talking about her ex and who may vomit.
  9. Have fun – look most of the time you’re not gonna get any – sometimes you’ll meet someone that you really have a spark with and then you will get some. If you’ve happened upon a nympho you may very well get more than you bargained for but guys we know its not all about sex, no? It’s also about having an affinity with someone and sometimes a great conversation is the best aphrodisiac.
  10. Listen – really listen when the gal is chatting. Ask questions  – keep eye contact.Be interested. If you do your score rate will go right up. If she’s insufferable go home alone. Dont try and salvage the evening with a quick poke. come on guys – do I have to say this?
  11. LEAVE YOUR DARN CELLPHONE IN YOUR POCKET. DO NOT LOOK AT IT, CHECK IT, TAKE CALLS UNLESS YOUR HOUSE IS BURNING DOWN OR YOUR CAR IS BEING STOLEN (you’ll recognise those emergency numbers) If you cannot spend a few hours without looking at your phone you should date it. Screen Shot 2017-06-30 at 6.52.20 AM

So there we are. Thats my unrequested take on online dating from a 40 something. Its going to be soo different for 20 and 30 somethings. I would LOVE to hear some of your rules. And guys I would particularly love to hear from you. I’ve got an idea to compile all of these and make it into something very funny and put it on youtube so please please any comments would be AMAZING!!


I Really wanted him to Call…

I really wanted him to call. I really wanted to not want to care if he called. but I really wanted him to call. Suddenly I’m a teenager again not a woman of 40 plus with my own business and a child. Just like that. Overnight. Suddenly all the insecurities crowd in and you remember that love is so very scary, that you’re so very vulnerable, that far from being euphoric there’s a lot that feels a lot more like cruel torture. But then you also realise that you feel alive again. Yes, it may be uncomfortably so, but you’re awake, you’re tuned in again, life has taken on another dimension that you had all but switched off.

He may never call. The fantasies that I had conjured up after one brief meeting in an alcohol fueled conversation over several hours in a bar may be the alchemy of absurdity but it doesn’t matter –  even though it feels like it really does. There are people out there is the message. After years with one person its difficult to believe that there is life beyond – that perhaps I can still meet someone who will love and adore me and right back at them. I’ve got to be brave. I’ve got to resist the temptation to pull my head back into my shell and say ” no no its too scary, i’m too vulnerable, this is bullshit and i dont need it.” I’ve got to keep living authentically, keep striving for what i want, working toward my dreams and love will find me if my heart is open and my soul is true.

but this isn’t just about me. It’s about you too……….